Tuesday, October 28, 2008


Dry leaves
smother the bench
where we used to daydream
and watch the waning sun give way
to night.
I try to resurrect those days
which seem eternal spring.
But winter's here

Reader's comments:

This mirror cinquain (2 4 6 8 2 2 8 6 4 2) creates an almost overwhelming sense of isolation. The image of "Dry leaves / smother" ing is a dominant image in the first verse; followed by the image of the "waning sun" are two well juxtaposed images that establish the theme of passing--the passing of natural objects and the passing of human relationships--the daydreams and a spouse who is now absent. In the second verse "resurrect" confirms the images of dying in verse 1, and juxtaposed with "eternal spring" and the arrival of "winter . . . again" intensifies the feeling expressed in the title. The expert selection of words to convey an image and a feeling is illustrated in these words: "smother", "used to daydream", "waning / to night", "resurrect" / "eternal spring", and "winter". "Aloneness" is a well crafted cinquain.